Totally.love Tabloid and the News.

Thursday, May 28, 2009 - 1:12 AM

In response to... Crap!!!

Good Afternoon readers or whatever you are called... This next post is in response to Sunday,24 may 09, episode of Crimewatch.

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First topic: Pornography.

Case study on the featured crimimal: *Andy Quah* (Not the real name)

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This 17 year old black belt was influenced and porn-triggered by his friend(don't know the name.) His instigation to porn lead him astray and he started molesting teenage girls in the Woodlands area. I mean come-on, if porn can do such wonders, what can Steven Lim do? Contradicting isn't it? His act of crime made him "famous" on Crimewatch and throughout Singapore. So there really is a tear between reality and fantasy. So? Big deal? Anyway, he molested about 10++ girls until he laid his hands on Mary Lee, an ugly bitch(the actor), who aided the police in catching this serial molester on the Woodlands 913 bus. Stupid right? Take bus somemore.

Personal Feelings

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Seriously, Andy is totally out of his mind. If you readers watched that episode, you should know how he molested those pitiful lambs. Baaaaa. I mean his techniques are so common that you can anticipate them and yet those girls don't know how to. When the police went to his house to arrest him, you could see the mum's face. Its so fake and you can tell that she's thinking, "erm, Andy, did you help the police out with catching some criminals? I'm so proud of you!!!" Unfortunately, following Lemony Snicket's Series of Unfortunate events, he went to jail and served about 2 to 3 years of imprisonment. Boo-hoo. Well thats the end of him and his future but its not the end of discussion for this topic so up next...

Methods on how to prevent molestation for both guys and girls (contributed by LuciferiaSatania and me, De BlogInspector)

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Tip #1: Wear uglily. Don't show off that so-called marvelous body of yours. You sure you have?

Tip #2: Bring along pepper spray even though its illegal. Its simple to make and here's how:
(Contributed by LuciferiaSatania):

Ingredients: -Soap water

-Chilli Padi Seeds (you can buy at any mama shops)

-Salt

-Pepper (duh...)

-Vinegar

-Sprinkles and Glitters (for the magnificant appeal and effect)

Instructions: Use sun-silk pink shampoo to make the soap water. Get one Dettol
soap bar and shred it into small coffetti. Take 200ml of pure tap water and
put 5 drops (and not more than that) of the pink shampoo and mix it with
the Dettol coffetti. STIR it for at least 15 times. Get at least for 4 chilli padi
(you can add more if you want the molester to suffer) and add them to the
concoction and stir 20 times anti-clockwise then clockwise. Add one FULL
teaspoon of salt and pepper. (your choice either white or black ground
pepper) Stir for at least 15 clockwise times. Add one tablespoon of vinegar
then pour in any selection glitters. (we recommand pink and silver)
Stir them for at least exactly 13 times both clockwiese and anti-clockwise.
Viola! Your done!
CAUTION: IT WILL CAUSE BLINDNESS ON YOUR ATTACKER. So be prepared if you want to do it. Wear surgical gloves in case you are so dumb to rub your eyes with your hands. Get insurance if possible. Keep it in a secret place in case some fuck-heads like your show-off little sister or pain-in-the-ass kid brothers take it and drink it or something. You can use it in the MRT to guarantee a seat in the train. For more info, e-mail her at rebelsandthepinkmafia@hotmail.com. For loyal readers of viewers, you can get a discount.

Tip #3: Wear be a chasity belt. It will help both men and women

Tip #4: Go for a vasectomy or ligation if possible or you get a circumsicion or castration.

Tip #5: Bring along flavoured condoms to chew while waiting for the lift. When he attacks,
spit the condom out and ask him to wear it. It is sure that the molester will be put off
and be grossed put by you. No one will come near you for the rest of eternity. But be
warned, it will get difficult in finding a husband or boyfriend.

Tip #6: For the guy victims, all I can say is "Never resist temptation..." This is for the
experience.

Second Topic: Break-Ins

Case study: Break ins by Lum Tuck Fook at the Duxton Road pubs.
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Lum Tuck Fook, a middle-aged guy, broke in at the pubs near the area. He did so by using some worthless tools to 'crack' open the pub doors. It was easy because it was not properly secured. And the owners were like senile because they defined their business as losing money NOT making money. Some owners felt that the theft wasn't important because they deemed tthe money was too little or too cheap. I mean hello, its the economic crisis. You can buy butt-worth and loads of toilet paper with it. So, remember, money is important not your reputation. The episode even featured an employer firing one of his employee as he accused him of stealing $1300. He even said: "Oh no, I must apologise to him!". However, being a sadist, I was laughing at that weak and unemotional line and added "It's too late to Apologise".

Tips to prevent break-ins
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Tip #1: Hire a younger cleaner other than an old senile bitch(as shown in the episode).
That old cleaner, after cleaning up everything, finally realised that the pub was being
broken into. Too late, money gone...

Tip #2: Hire a prostitute to stand guard. If a thief strikes, he will have to choose sex over money.
Thus, paying the prostitute. She will then deposit the earned money into the cash
register. So, isn't this a good way to earn money?

Tip #3: Put some working security cameras everywhere. Even in the toilets.

Tip #4: Padlock your doors with heavy stuff material that not even The Hulk can lift.

Tip #5: Padlock your doors with a chain of Okamoto and Durex condoms. Being plastic,
they won't tear or snap that easily I guess.

Tip #6: Get some people to walk around your pub nude. I guess that will just spark off more
problems in the society?

p.s. These above-mentioned crap are just for entertainment purposes but with relevance to
real life examples. So you can comment or tag whatever you want. If you have any
problems or feel insulted by my posts, so sorry. This is how I am programmed to function.
So continue reading and help promote this blog! Next post on Thursday. Oh and almost
forgot...
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